It’s an interesting question and to find the answer we have to delve into the recesses of the female mating mind and the incentives for survival and reproduction that lie beneath.
Most women strive for the best place in the herd they can get and they are keen to figure out who the alpha female is so they can curry her favor and avoid her wrath. Having a higher position in the herd or threatening a rival with banishment from the herd may discourage a competitor from competing for a desired man, providing a path for the ruthless woman to get her alpha or greater beta.
Much of what women do is to maintain, solidify and advance their position in the herd. Of course, this makes sense. Pre-modern women needed to stay in the tribe/herd to ensure survival for themselves and their offspring. Whether men cared much about how popular a woman was in the herd is debatable (though men are going to prefer the rare gorgeous woman who’s not as popular over a feisty-yet-portly alpha mare that all the women claim is wonderful). However, for a woman, being able to discourage a rival female from presenting herself to a sought-after male by tearing her down and casting her out of the herd or into a lower position would have reproductive advantages. If you can’t beat her on the merits, get her to withdraw from the race…only those who run can win.
Overview of the Social Hierarchy
Since political and corporate apex alpha males have piled on top of technological changes to give women more power, it’s especially incumbent upon the modern man to understand the nature of women and how they act collectively. The female herd is real. And the herd is led by alpha mares who in turn are often seeking the approval and company of or unwittingly led by the apex alpha males. The direction the female herd chooses to take has an enormous impact on society because the vast majority of men are actually not the privileged patriarchal leaders that feminism is obsessed with overthrowing but rather are followers of the female herd who don’t want to rock the boat for fear of being excommunicated to the sexless hinterlands of the damned.
As I’ve written here, the current alpha mares are feminists and raunch queens that tell women to put off relationships and children for career and to slut it up. Notice how doing so plays into the various goals of many apex alpha, run-of-the-mill alpha, and greater-beta males to have plenty of women available for sex, votes, customers, cheaper labor and to keep beta males in line (note: not all apex alphas and alphas have the same goals–straight rock stars want money, fame and pussy; political apex alphas want power and often money and pussy; corporate apex alphas want money and power and often pussy).
Having reviewed the broad hierarchy of society–namely, the order is top men, then top women, then average women, then average men–let’s now focus on today’s subject, of why women care so much what other women think.
“Females are partly programmed to do it,” explains Corinne Sweet, a relationship psychotherapist and author of Change Your Life with CBT.“Firstly it’s only natural to compare yourself as it gives you a point of reference which can be reassuring. However, the harsh reality is that it’s a cattle market out there and the commodity is male attention. [ed: that should read attractive-male attention since most males are invisible or repulsive to women] Women are checking out the competition and identifying who the alpha female in the pack is. Women subconsciously put themselves in a hierarchy,” she claims.
But what about the ladies toilets on Saturday night, I hear you cry. Explain the endless compliments toing and froing between the blurry eyed girls mustering enough balance to paint eyeliner on their cheeks. Why would they be so gushing to other women in the toilet if they’re secretly in competition with each other? Surely, women are not so contrived? [ed: women both need and hate the herd, similar to how Gollum loved and hated the ring]
“The alpha female may be the biggest threat yet she’s also the one with whom women want to align. Being close to her gives status and they do so through flattery,” says Sweet, in such a matter of fact tone I can’t help but think I’m talking to a natural history expert about mating in the wild.
The author of the article doesn’t want to admit that women are constantly comparing themselves with other women but finally does so with disappointed resignation:
Lemarc Thomas, managing director of elite international dating agency, Seventy Thirty, describes how “women who sign up are always curious about the other female customers at the agency, they want to suss out the competition so they can bring their ‘A’ game.”
The idea that we are all silently battling it out with one another over our looks sounds a little absurd. Yet after more than thrice feeling telepathically slain on just one commute, I started to realise this thesis is not entirely untrue. I guess I do compare myself to others. I ask Jessica, a teacher, whether she thinks we engage in secret contests with one another and she ashamedly confesses: “Today I was walking behind a girl and the entire time I was deliberating whether her legs were fatter than mine”
Another article examines why women check each other out so much.
We all do it. Whether we admit to it or not, women spend more time checking out other women than they do checking out men. According to research by a British swimwear company, half of the 2,000 women polled said that they “enjoy” comparing themselves to other women.
I’m not sure I “enjoy” the cut-throat competition that fuels female encounters. But it is undoubtedly a dog-eat-dog spirit that forces me to focus beady eyes on the woman passing me on the street, the cover girl on the glossy magazine, and even – dare I say it – my closest friends.
Then she asks the all-important question,
So why do we do it?
I used to think it was all part of the hunt for a suitable man….
But matrimony hasn’t switched off my woman-spotting radar, so I can only conclude that it’s not about men – it’s about us.
Women dress for each other
We dress to impress our female peers. Members of the opposite sex, let’s face it, couldn’t tell Dolce & Gabbana from Ben & Jerry’s. Getting dressed for them is as challenging as connect the dots: so long as it’s figure-hugging, these simple souls will be happy. It is pointless spending hundreds on a MaxMara shift when the only comment from the man in your life is: “A Carmelite habit would be more of a come-on.”
Thank heavens, then, for the girls. They may instantly spot last year’s Temperley dress and this year’s extra two kilos but when they give you a compliment, you know it’s for real. [ed: or intended to curry favor] Pleasing the female judge is a triumph. So it is no wonder that half of the survey’s respondents said they get a buzz from it.
One former colleague, good-looking and a stylish dresser, perfected the most intimidating scrutiny of fellow women. Slow, deliberate and calculating, her overt once-over shrank you to quaking insignificance. But thankfully such blatant judgment is rare: most of us try to conceal that we are sizing up the competition (for which sunglasses come in very handy).
So there you have it, much of what fashion women buy isn’t to impress men but to impress other women. Women want to stay part of the herd and curry favor with the alpha mare even when it requires doing things they don’t really want to because the lure of the herd is strong, it is in their DNA.
Men need to realize the importance that the herd plays in most women’s psyches (NAWALT–some women are not herd dependent). You can’t just be the hapless beta because the hapless beta has lower ranking in today’s society than the beta female (notice there’s no talk of a war on beta men in spite of more evidence supporting that than the ridiculous “war on women”) who will care more about the alpha mare’s opinion and perhaps hold out hopes of getting an alpha male.
This also relates to preselection (and its opposite of prerejection) and how most men feel approach anxiety because they’re instinctually aware of their odds of getting rejected and how the herd will band against them if they get blown out.
Men need to bring enough dominance and attractiveness to the table so that they engage the other instinct of women which can overpower their desire to be loved by the herd, namely, the instinct to love and follow her Man.