JFG commenter, practicallyperfect2, let us know she is working on a curriculum and program for young women and girls. As part of this, she wants to let these girls know what guys are really thinking, what guys wish girls knew. This would consist of what young men really think about a girl’s appearance and behaviors. It would also share young men’s perspectives on life and the challenges they face as men.
Here are some topics she wanted our take on:
- What guys think is important, their perspective on life.
- Guy talk: how they speak differently than girls.
- [In spite of what radfems say,] not all guys are evil.
- Will a guy respect your personal boundaries and what to do if he doesn’t?
- Men are visual; what you wear is not just a fashion statement; it is a signal to a man of what kind of attention you’re looking for.
- What is important for a guy in a relationship?
- What do guys think about being just friends?
- What do guys think about sex?
Below is what Morpheus, Ted and I wrote back to her. We invite you, the reader, to add your take.
PP, It is great to have you commenting. You’ve given some great ideas for topics. I will say you could have some different opinions from guy to guy on some of those topics but there may be some general overlap of ideas across most guys, for example “being just friends” is rarely about being just friends but usually the “Game” beta orbiters run to eventually become something more. Generally, men don’t want or need women as friends because our interests tend more towards common activities that usually only men enjoy. Men don’t sit around and talk about feelings as part of being friends.
PP, I’ll second Morpheus in saying its great to have you around the blog!
As far as what I’d tell a young woman about men? Oh boy! LOL
Your list is pretty good, and I’d touch on pretty much the same subjects. More than anything, I would do my best to explain to young women that they simply ARE NOT THE SAME as young men. They don’t think the same, feel the same, or even view the world the same way. I’d try to impart on them that despite the popular message of the Strong Independent Woman, that the man in their life will want to be needed, want to be relied on, and want to feel like he is somehow contributing to her life and well being. That doesn’t mean men are looking for a mooch or a leech, but they want to feel necessary. So, being all independent is great in the office, but its OK to rely on your BF or husband to help you out. Hell, even if you don’t NEED the help, we like it when you ask.
Along those lines, a marriage isn’t a competition. You can be a ball buster at work, but don’t bring that attitude home. Most likely the guy your with wants to be your partner, and although it can be fun to have a bit of friendly competition between you, he doens’t want to constantly have power struggles with you at home. Every discussion doesn’t have to be a debate, and every decision doesn’t have to be drawn out like a congressional hearing.
Oh, and for the love of all that’s holy PLEASE tell them it is completely OK to be feminine!
Han Solo (my take after the bold text)
- Guy talk, how they speak differently then girls.–guys are more blunt and don’t try to avoid offending the herd
- Hey, not all guys are evil.–some guys are but women need to take more responsibility for what kind of men they are choosing. Choosing evil men only sends out the market signal that that’s what’s in demand. Also, trying to go for a man that’s out of your league doesn’t make him evil if he only wants sex with you and doesn’t fall in love–that’s just to be expected.
- Will a guy respect your personal boundaries and what to do if he doesn’t?–most guys will…it’s usually the jerks or higher-value guys that don’t care and might not.
- Men are visual; what you wear is not just a fashion statement; it is a signal to a man of what kind of attention you’re looking for.–Dave Chapelle has a great thing on this, of how if a man’s dressed like a cop you think he’s a cop…and same thing for women dressing like whores. [I'm not whore shaming, just passing on the Dave Chapelle humor. ;)]
- What do guy think about sex?–generally speaking, women can have sex with men that are more attractive (not just in terms of looks) than they can marry; in other words, men will have casual sex with women that they don’t see as high-enough value to marry; women need to decide if they want that or not.
Readers, please add your thoughts. We didn’t address every point so please feel free to fill in the blanks along with answering points we already addressed.