Part I: A New Hope
Han Solo is a charming scoundrel who loves money and saving his own neck. He kills bounty hunters with guns trained on him and isn’t afraid to argue with feisty princesses. But somewhere along the line, an underlying loyalty didn’t allow him to abandon his new-found friends to the Death Star and eventually he fell in love with Leia.
Han is a great example of many effective ways to act around women. Through video and transcript we’ll analyze his moves and, more importantly, his underlying attitudes. I’ll add my commentary and also point out how the timid “beta” pleaser would act instead and ruin things.
Han Meets Leia
Let’s meet the self-centered scoundrel now, alongside the idealistic Luke. View up to about 1:35 to get the New Hope parts and then pause. Make sure to take special notice of Han’s smiling reaction around the 1:15-1:16 mark. (Okay, watch the whole thing if you want but we’ll come back to Empire Strike Back where things get even better in my next post.)
Notice how Luke is an idealistic white knight who wants to risk his life to rescue Leia and Luke has to appeal to Han’s lust for wealth. From the transcript:
LUKE But they're going to kill her! HAN Better her than me...[not quite bros bf hoes but certainly me before she] LUKE She's rich. HAN Rich? [I love how this catches his attention.]
Han Doesn’t Pedestalize the Princess
Once they’ve gotten her out and she starts sassing off, he just barks right back at her, not cowed by her prince-ess-ly status nor her beauty:
LEIA Looks like you managed to cut off our only escape route. HAN (sarcastically) Maybe you'd like it back in your cell, Your Highness.
The timid beta would have pleaded, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to cut off our escape route. What do you want to do tonight?”
Han doesn’t pedestalize women and the clash of egos continues (notice how he calls her that delightful title that so gets under her skin, “Your Worshipfulness”):
HAN If we can just avoid any more female advice, we ought to be able to get out of here.
LEIA Listen. I don't know who you are, or where you came from, but from now on, you do as I tell you. Okay?
HAN Look, Your Worshipfulness, let's get one thing straight! I take orders from one person! Me! [The needy beta would have accepted to do as she tells him, "Okay, whatever you want, let's just not argue."]
Don’t Make a Woman Your Mission
Later, aboard the Millenium Falcon, Han explains that he’s in it for the money (his mission at that moment) and not her:
HAN It['s over] for me, sister! Look, I ain't in this for your revolution, and I'm not in it for you, Princess. I expect to be well paid. I'm in it for the money!
To see what the pedestalizing beta would do, let’s turn to Luke:
LEIA Your friend is quite a mercenary. I wonder if he really cares about anything... or anyone. LUKE I care!
Don’t Take Women So Seriously
The conversation turns to Leia:
LUKE So... what do you think of her, Han? HAN I'm trying not to, kid! LUKE(under his breath) Good... HAN Still, she's got a lot of spirit. I don't know, what do you think? Do you think a princess and a guy like me... LUKE No!
Luke has a crush on her and is already possessively trying to dissuade a possible rival.
Go back to 1:10-1:16 in the video above and look at Han’s facial reaction to Luke’s “no.” This is huge. This is the attitude we need to have as men. Not placing our entire ego on the outcome of getting a girl, not approaching a woman with our whole soul in our outstretched hands and thinking our life will have no meaning if she rejects us. Approaching women with such an attitude creates a ton of tension in a guy and will often come across and make the girl feel the magnitude that we’re giving to the moment and she’ll tense up as well. And, yes, I know it’s hard-wired into a lot of us and compounded by cultural conditioning so it’s not easy but it’s doable. Work on your inner game to not place so much investment in any one girl. Let her earn your affection, after all, that’s how she wants it.
Just remember that carefree-scoundrel Han Solo smile and don’t take interactions with women so seriously. Internalize that smile to counteract the needy Luke within. Have fun with it. Don’t invest your entire ego (or even 25% of it) in the outcome. And read this post on antigame for more on this topic.
In my next post we get to Empire Strikes Back, the best Star Wars movie ever, and how Han escalates to the kiss.