*This article originally appeared on The Spearhead, Jun 30, 2010.
OK fellas, the Summer is officially here, we’re about a week out from the Nation’s birthday, and…you’re brokedown and busted financially. Hopefully, you’re not one of the more than a million “hobos” Congress fronted on the other night and halted your hard earned UC bennies-but wherever you find yourself on the socioeconomic ladder these days, everybody’s feeling the crunch, and this is especially true of you’re a Brotha-let’s face it, we tend to have a tougher time of it financially than do our White brethren, in aggregate.
So, in this post I wanna try to address a few points that go right to the heart of your love life and by extension, your Game. The great Carl Jung once said that every moment in time is good for something, if you but figure out what, and I say true dat-this Great Recession is an excellent time to determine how tight your overall Game is. I say that because the most commonly used “form” of Game, is what I call Wallet Game-the guy simply attempts to buy his way into a Woman. While this can and often does work, it is very, very corrupting on a whole host of levels-first off, it makes a Man lazy. We Men are serious creatures of habit, which explains why so many of us fail at Game to begin with. It’s so much easier to simply buy ole gal a frilly frock than to really appeal to her natural born instincts as a Woman and her desire for a psychosocially dominant Man. This is why guys who are loaded, *and* have no or very weak Game, lose their Women to other guys so very quickly-money alone, simply ain’t it used to be anymore, people. The sooner a Man figures this out, the better off he’ll be when it comes to Women.
Another reason why “Wallet Game” is weak is because it is contingent on your cash flow and your cash flow alone-and as we all can see as of late, such a thing can come and go like a thief in the night, right? So when the loot runs out…so does she, if that’s all you had to offer her in the first place.
On the other hand, if you’ve been diligently honing your Seduction skills, studying Womens’ ways, taking stock of yourself and making adjustments, and more, you’ll find that the current economic climate isn’t that impactful to you at all. Of course, one could always use more cream, no doubt about it-but, for the skilled Gamesman, it just isn’t as big a factor, if at all, as it is for the poor saps who have nothing else to hang their hat on.
So, let’s take a look at a few things…
Me and Brown Sugah went out recently to a very nice venue, and we both couldn’t help but notice a most disturbing trend-all of the ladies were dressed so nice in their summer dresses, their hair was did up, makeup looking good-and ALL the fellas looked like they just came from off the Appalachian trail, or came out from working under a muscle car changing the muffler, or were so sloppy/unkepmt/out of shape as to give the whole of Manhood a seriously bad name. In my humble view, they might as well to be walking around with a sandwich board that said “please come an PWN me and take my Woman right from under my nose”.
Fellas, I thought we’ve gone over this before-you gotta clean yourself up, hmm? That means, if you’re gonna take your Woman out somewhere, that means that you DON’T wear:
Sneakers. You’re a grown-assed Man, look like one. Unless you’re running errands, running ball or just busting it up with the homies on the block, there isn’t really any reason why you need to be wearing sneaks on an outing with your girl. Get some shoes, or if preferable, boots, which is my shot. But please, whatever you do, NO Timberlands. Why? Because Trees are for one thing, over-saturated-every guy wears em. They infer nothing unique about you at all; you seen one guy with a pair of Tims on, you seen em all. Remember, you gotta specialize. Personally, I wear anything BUT Tims, and this is coming from someone who’s quite a few pair-but only because of the nature of my work profile. I couldn’t get out of those things quick enough come quitting time, LOL.
Now, for me, I like to wear stuff that best expresses my personality, who I am on the inside and I bring that out. So, another reason why I tend to wear boots is because it’s a nod to my motorbike days-so yup, I tend to wear biker type boots. In fact, I’ve got on a pair right now that I copped last month on the humbug-I was just walking down the Ave in my native Philly, and decided to dip into one o the many sneaker/footwear shops. Once inside I checked out the Men’s footwear section; they had the obligatory Timberlands. But I noticed that they also had a couple of nice pair of boots, and the one that jumped out at me reminded me of some boots I had many years ago. So I copped em, took em home, gave em a Marine Corps spit shine, and the rest as they say, is history. I’ve gotten compliments on em from guys and gals alike-even a gaggle of 12 year old girls liked em. Try getting that kind of fever with some run of the mill Trees.
Next, this droopy pants thing has gotta stop, chief. That, put together with the “beach bum” short deal I see far too many Brothas doing, just ain’t gonna get it. While I own both khakis and dress slacks, for most times whe you’re taking your lady out jeans will do just fine. But here’s the trick-its the type of jean and its cut and fit. I mean, think about it-does Anderson Cooper wear droppy jeans? Does Hugh Jackman have his underwear all out on display? Nope. And neither should you. Get some jeans with a nice cut and fit, top if off with a nice belt. I like to wear bootcuts since I tend to wear boots a goodly bit. Take some time to actually try on different types and brands of jeans, Man. Trust me when I tell you, no one, including your girl, really is all that interested in looking at your saggy jeans wearing butt.
Shirts-that whole wife beater thing? Dead it. You’re taking your Woman OUT, NOT lifting weights with the homies in the yard, hmm? Same deal with the Shaggy style supa dupa long tee shirts-uh uh. Here’s a novel idea: try wearing a shirt that one, actually fits properly and two, actually looks nice? And I don’t mean you gotta spend a fortune on em either-you can hit up many a vendor for some for nominal cost. I have, iin fact I’m wearing such a shirt right now. It’s fitted, olive green, with a black gryphon on each side of the chest & wings on the back-definitely urban, but it looks nice. I have a number of shirts like that when I’m going out & can “dial it up or down” in terms of shirts depending on the venue. One of my favorite types of shirts to wear are the military style, real durable and they’re cheap. And, if you’re gonna work tees, make them fitted ones. No one wants to see you in the equivalent of a burlap bag.
Now, personally, I wear shades a lot, but not because I’m trying to look cool-well, maybe just a little. But the major reason is because I have very light sensitive eyes, and when its really bright out, it hurts. In the summers it is not at all unusual for me to wear my aviators until sundown. Here’s the thing though-you gotta make sure whatever shades you’re gonna wear actually fits your face and the size/shape of your head. Otherwise, you’ll win up clowning yourself. Yes, people are indeed laughing at you.
Cuts and smell goods, general grooming and the like should at this point go without saying, but given that I’ve recently had to endure multiple Brothas on the bus who were so damned funky that I almost hurled and passed out, I gotta speak on this yet again-fellas, I get that times are hard, but damn Man, the dollar store got deo and soap, you dig me? I know because I done made use of that option myself many a time when the ends were low. Same deal with cuts-like Brown Sugah said, and she’s right, if you can’t afford to hit up the barbershop on the regular, invest in a pair of clippers and go for self. I know quite a few Brothas who’ve done this. Looking like a Mountain Man just ain’t cool. Same deal with the smell goods-how many times do I have to say that Women have a stronger sense of smell than we do-especially around that time of the month, or when they’re pregnant? Don’t take my word for it, ask them. You coming through with the funk to overpower Bigfoot…uh uh. Granted, errbody can’t afford to go in for say, Armani’s Aqua Di Gio, but surely you can put together $5 for some Muslim oils? Again, I’ve been there done that and haven’t had any complaints. As long as you’re clean, smell non-funky and look somewhat together, for most Women, you’re good to go. It’s a kinda low bar, and that’s kinda sad, but it is what it is. The good news, on the other hand, is if you’re a guy who understands all this, and diligently works to put your best foot forward, you’ll have no trouble in the least “breaking the ice” and/or keeping your Woman in love/lust with you. Trust me when I tell you, they are acutely aware of the fact that Men like you are in short supply.
The great thing about all this is, that it don’t cost a lot, fellas. You can get cleaned up for a mere fraction of the cost that it take for most Women, trust me. Those boots I was telling you about? They cost me half the price I would have paid for some Trees, and I got a lot more compliments on em, too. Shirt I mentioned? $20. Jeans? $40. Shades? $25. Toss in the $15 I pay for a cut/shave, and another $25 for the Paris Hilton for Men I got on, and you’re looking at under $200-trust me, Women can easily spend that on getting their hair/nails/toes and maybe eke out a dress alone. Take some time to look nice, Man. It don’t cost a lot.
Now, let’s go to the next thing, which is taking your lady out on a tight budget. First of all, what I’m about to say assumes that you’re already in a LTR; she’s earned her spot and its only right to do right by her. It’s important for Women that you take them out periodically. Women are much more socially inclined than we fellas are; so, being cooped up in the crib, while it may not be a big whup to you, can be problematic for them. Plus, being out and about signals to everyone that you’re together, which is huge for Women; trust me, few if any Women wanna be a Bootycall, or think that they are, because you never take them out. Like anything else in life, your LTR is an investment; what you put in, is what you get back. You invest some time and ends in your Woman, and the ROI can be quite substantial.
The great thing about the Summertime, is that you can find a lot to do for very little cost. Take some to find out what’s going on in your town; I like what T aka Ricky Raw said about knowing your town and how important this is for a Man. Women HATE planning outings and dates, and would much rather her guy do it. Personally, I’m a big fan of waterfronts and piers, sidewalk cafes and parks. Usually such venues are in the middle of or near other events that are going on, so that gives plenty of opportunities for spontaneity, too. Have some sense of where your going, know the lay of the land, what things cost, etc. Have it all planned out as much as you can. Usually, all this won’t run you more than a Benjamin or so, and again if you’re creative and have done your homework beforehand, and/or if you’re someone who can improvise on the fly like me, you’ll be able to keep your love life strong even as the economy crumbles around us. Keep in mind, the hospitality business is hurtin BAD-and by that I mean, anyplace where people go to chillout, relax and have a good time, which includes the aforementioned venues. Trust me, there are deals galore. The greeter gal at the spot me and Brown Sugah went to practically begged us to have a sit, and it turned out to be quite nice.
Alright, that’s it. Come on fellas, you can do this!
Now adjourn your grimy asses…