“Mr. Big Stuff, Who do you think you are?”
As always, NABWALT but EBWALT…
Unsurprisingly, to me at least, commenter response to my post, “A Look Into The Mating World Of The Tyrones” was rather muted – largely due to the near-deafening silence on the part of our lady readers. Yes, there were a few – and I mean a few – comments on their part; but in the main, the ladies of J4G were largely MIA. Of particular note, was the conspicuous absence of the Sistahood.
That doesn’t mean that they weren’t reading along, though.
You see, I keep a sharp eye on J4G’s site analytics; I see who’s reading/following us, and where they’re coming from – so I know for a fact that there are quite a few Black Women who read us.
It’s just that they didn’t have any rap in reaction to my latest “Tyrone” post.
Among the things that I said in my previous post, I suspect what cowed them was my mention of the battery of interview questions I pose to prospective ladies I’ve met. It is completely understandable – as I said, Black Men have a well-earned reputation for having very low mating standards and very high thirst levels to boot – and Black Women, as a group, are keenly aware of this. In fact, quiet as it’s kept, it is not at all as bad as some Black Women try to make out it to be; Black Male Thirst is in fact quite a boon to many a Black Woman. This ensures that just about every Black Woman is in demand.
So when a Brotha like yours truly comes along and openly discusses anything that might smack of standards, the Sistahood reacts…oftenly violently. If I had a dollar for every time I heard a Sista say “Who he think he is!?” in refernce to me, I would have no more financial concerns, and could probably live off of the interest.
You see, a lot of the Black relationship experts – Steve Harvey comes to mind – give Black Women the impression that they have low or lax standards when it comes to Black Men, when in fact it’s the reverse that’s true – and this is easily verified by even the most casual observation. Even non-Black people – perhaps especially non-Black people – can observe this. How often is it that you see a relatively fit and attractive Brotha yoked to a Sista who’s at best seen better days? And/or, who’s behavior and attitude is atrocious? You see, what Black relationship experts like Harvey really mean, is that a lot of Black Women have lax or low long term mating standards for the proverbial Mr. Bigs of the world - all they have to do is show up, and most Sistas will spread em, “Open Sesame” style.
It’s only the non-Mr. Bigs who have to run the gauntlet. Again, don’t take my word for it. Go out and observe all of this for yourself.
When Black Women rollout their three-mile long “lists”, they’re not doing it for the Mr. Bigs – they’re doing it for the dudes who are NOT Mr. Big – and let’s be honest. The “list” is a way of screening out a lot of guys, giving the ladies in question plausible deniability; see, if Black Women made it clear that they only wanted to pursue (and by pursued) by Mr. Big, what would some of the consequences of such an action be? Well, one such consequence is that at least some of the other Brothas would get a clue and simply stop, or at the very least greatly limit, their interaction with said Sistas. Which explains a lot of what we see socially on that front.
There is a notion among some Blacks – largely those who consider themselves “conscious” or otherwise educated and/or progressive – that Black Women are somehow being cowed into sexual prudery by Black Men at large. But this notion is patently ridiculous on its face – Black Women are hands down the most sexually liberated Women in the nation, if not the entire planet, with all manner of well-documented empirical and anecdotal evidence to support the claim – in fact, the evidence, taken together, forms a statistical tsunami at this point. Only the greatly naive, disengenuous or ideologically blinkered, would attempt to spin it otherwise.
As a recent article makes clear, Women in general, and Sistas in particular, want a “Plan B” Guy – because they know and understand, instinctively, that Plan A Guy is highly unlikely to work out long(er) term. Black Men having very low mating standards ensures that Black Women – even the most low down, Ratchet among them - will always have a Plan B.
Which brings us to our Feature Presentation…
Now Accepting Applications
There’s a view among some people – mostly Women, but some Men, too – that love, mating, relationships and the like, simply cannot be approached in the same way one would other endeavors in life; that things cannot be assessed, measured, quantified, given an “up or down vote” on, and so forth. “Love”, we are told, simply doesn’t work like that – and even more pointedly, our interlocutors assert, that those who approach affairs of the heart in such a manner, are “defectives” – you know, “on the spectrum” and so forth. These kinds of slurs are often “bundled in” with the Seduction Community and wider Manosphere, all aimed at discrediting the idea that Men, and let’s be honest here – this is totally a gendered attack – should not have any standards whatsoever for their mating lives.
Of course, such harsh statements and accusations are never hurled at the ladies themselves – I mean, who’s upbraided Women for having their “lists” and loudly suggesting that they’re suffering from Autism? To ask the question is to answer it: Women are not only condoned for having their “lists”, they are actively encouraged to “filter, filter, filter”. ONLY MEN are not to have any standards whatsoever. This is to ensure that all Women, at least theoretically, will have a Plan B.
Think about it.
Moreover, consider this: Americans in particular, spend a tremendous amount of their time at work. We work more than most people in the world, and the past few decades in particular has seen an immense amount of often arcane and byzantine rules regarding how we’re to interact with each other on the job. On the home front, the same timeframe has seen increased legal rules for how couples – married and otherwise – are to interact with each other. “Genderless” in theory, in everyday practice, these rules are really strictures for Men in terms of how they’re to interact with Women. In addition to that, there are more rules, laws and strictures placed on and around human mating than any other human endeavor. Again, think about that.
So, if all of what I’ve said above is true – and it is – why are only Men singled out for any attempts to erect and then implement any standards of their own?
By implementing an interview process, I, and any other Man, is saying loud and clear: we have standards for the Women we wish to partner with – and any Woman who may be interested in partnering with us must meet those standards. That’s what my patented Cafe Date Theory system is all about – it’s a low-cost, highly efficient interview and screening mechanism, one that can be tailored to meet the demands of whatever situation one might find oneself in. It’s conducted in daylight hours, in full view of others, and is no longer than a half an hour. It gives both parties the chance to evaluate each other physically and to interact in conversation, allowing each to decide if they want to see each other again or not. And it does it all with the idea of “saving face” in mind. But make no mistake – a guy using this system is communicating loud and clear, that he takes the mating game quite seriously; and any Woman who wants to be with him will do so, too.
Did you know that Al-Qaeda, the world’s largest terrorist organization, accepts applications? In fact, you have to fill out their forms in triplicate – it’s true, look it up. And as we all know, they suffer no shortage of young Men just dying to wear the coveted explosive vest.
Google, Apple, Goldman-Sachs, Wal*Mart, all have applications and interview processes. Nor do they care one whit if someone gets huffy about them – “we’ll call you. Next!”.
And the interview process itself is hugely important – for one thing, it’s a form of a Compliance Test - a way to determine what a Woman’s level of interest in me early on, is. If she’s receptive to my questions and answers them, chances are she’s into me; if on the other hand, she reacts negatively to my questions, I can cut bait right then and there, with minimal time or resources expended. Companies use compliance tests of all kinds, and have done so for decades if not longer; and like them, I do it because I can. As I said before, we Tyrones come into our own as we age a bit, and many of our lady cohorts come calling one way or another around this time. So we’re in a position to pose some questions if we want to, and I most certainly do.
It is important for these ladies to hear themselves say, that they are now north of 35 – or 45. It is important for them to state, for the record, their dress size, their weight and, if applicable, that they are up to their eyeballs in hock to Sallie Mae, among other creditors. That they have “x” number of kids, often times without benefit of marriage (as I’ve said previously, I’m willing to give Divorced Mamas/Ladies a break – although more investigation is needed as to the circumstances surrounding her divorce; I’d have to work back on her story to make sure everything adds up. Trust but Verify). I watch very carefully for whether they show outwards signs of Femininity – for example, does she wear a dress to our coffeehouse date – or does she wear pants of some kind? The former gets a point; the latter is a point deduction.
How does she interview? Is she submissive and friendly, or is she stand-offish and pensive? Does she smile, or is she “mean mugging”? Points accrue or deduct, based on these factors.
What does her body language suggest, particularly as I pose questions about her dress size, weight, kids, etc? Are her answers freely flowing; does she “lean in” or “out”; does she fidget with herself or phone, etc? Is she comfortable with making sustained eye contact? Does she blink a lot?
How does she react to the following question: “Well Angela, it seems that you have quite a busy life, what with your job and the kids and so forth. Where do I fit in the mix?” Is her response poised, “smooth” – or does she stammer a bit, trying to find the right words to say? Does she get indignant?
Indeed, what does she think about me – does she think I’m pompous and arrogant, or does she think I’m thoughtful and serious?
Is she on time? After all, such an engaged Woman understands well the importance of time – she wouldn’t have her oh-so-important job and activities with the kids were it otherwise; does she approach our coffeehouse meeting in the same manner, or does she approach it differently? Does she operate on “CPT” (that’s “Colored People’s Time” for those not in the know), or is she punctual? Does she arrive early? If running late, does she call or text, or neither?
How does she react/respond to the question “Why me?” – is it poised, or forced?
Would it surprise anyone here to know that I’ve interviewed quite a few ladies who work in HR and related departments for their jobs – and that they interviewed, badly?
Of course, like all interviews anywhere else, a lot depends on the “intangibles” of interaction between the two parties; a Sista who brings a lot of submissiveness, femininity and eagerness to please, can and will go far, as “Steve”‘s new lady friend – we’ll call her “Crystal” – has aptly shown. Indeed, I gotta give her props – she knew her market and what they want, and went after it, being careful to state upfront what the lucky guy gets if he gets with her. Now, personally, things would have gone differently if it were yours truly in that scenario – her “head shot trick” would not have worked, because right after making first contact on POF and us busting it up on the horn a bit, I would have setup a coffeehouse date, at High Noon on a sunny day – and I would have positioned myself such that she would have to approach by walking a bit in full view on the street. She would not have been able to “surprise” me with her “extra” – and we would have discussed that over the course of our conversation. Depending on her reaction to my questions in that regard, we might take things to the second interview phase – I’m willing to work with a Woman if she shows that she’s eager to please. Nor would she have been able to buy me off, as I’m not interested in her or any other Woman’s money. But, because Black Men have such low mating standards – and Black Women like Crystal know this – she and many, many other Black Women are quite successful in doing the things they do, because they know how so many Brothas out there roll. Quite a few Brothas have no problem laying up with a Crystal, taking her baubles, and then busting it up with yours truly online about how big she is.
While we’re on the weight thing, Steve, in truth, is in a heck of a pickle – see, he’s already laid down with Crystal. Which means, in her mind, that she’s good to go as is; Steve has compromised himself, and does so even more the more he lays down with her and, accepts her gifts (she bought him a Stingray watch over the weekend). She can rightly say, if he tries to run a power move, that he had no problems getting with her and taking her money before; she sees no reason to change it up now. And she’d be right. Crystal is living proof of what I’ve been saying throughout this post and previous posts before it - that so long as Black Men as a group are willing to mate so low, Black Women as a group have absolutely no incentive whatsoever to change anything. The advice I gave him was in truth a shot in the dark – time will tell. I just feel so badly about it because, based on everything I can gather about her, Crystal does seem like a really nice and sweet, albeit very lonely and desperate gal. And even hardened OGs like yours truly, doesn’t like to see people like her get done greasy.
Anyway, my point is that my interview process or style is not set in stone – indeed, a tremendous amount of how I go about things depends on how the lady in question presents herself. For those ladies who bring a kind of adversarial vibe, I pull out my clipboard and get icily clinical with it – the formal wording and body language being not-so-subtle “tells” to the lady, that she needs to get lost. And usually, the ladies take the hint; Women are very keen readers of nonverbals, after all. On the other hand, if a Sista meets at least a few of my requirements and makes up for the rest with lots of femininity, submissiveness and eagerness to please, I can and will pretty much toss out the more “formal” questions and just enjoy spending time with her. It truly is all up to the ladies.
Another added bennie to this way of doing things – and this is in response to Ciaran’s query to me in the previous discussion – is that of Age. You see, CDT may be a bit of a challenge for younger guys; after all, by definition, younger gals hold a higher card over most fellas – but for the older gals (“older” being defined by 35-up), the Game, done changed. Notable exceptions notwithstanding, they are no longer bringing all the boys to the yard like they used to – and those boys who do come calling leave quite a bit to be desired. Unlike most in our youth-obsessed society, yours truly very much enjoys transitioning into the OG phase of his life, enjoying all the perks that senior-status among Men brings. And this is doubly so being as how I’m a Black Man. As I said previously, a Brotha who takes care of himself (little to no smoking/drinking/drugging; watches his weight; grooms well; etc.) can and will field interest from a fairly wide spectrum of ladies – say, at least five years on either side of his own age, at minimum. Put that together with the fact that it is indeed an achievement to reach the upper ages as a Brotha still intact, alive and kicking – like I said, I can and often do get catcalled when out and about suited up. And quiet as its kept, A LOT of Sistas out there like themselves an older Man, because they like the experience wedded with his taking care of himself. Another reason why the Game changes for the older gals – competition from the young(er) chippies. Errbody focuses only on the supposedly “Dirty Old Men” thing, but what they fail to consider, is that it takes two to tango; lots of younger gals get down like that, too.
I’ve said previously that I’ve conducted several hundred such “coffeehouse interviews” over the years; on its face that sounds like a lot, but in truth it’s really not. All it takes is a bit of math and dilligence. As Crystal shows above, it isn’t that hard to have Sistas approach you; you just gotta be a cut above most other Brothas, and to be frank, that’s not very hard to do, at least not for me. The thing with CDT is that it’s very cost-effective and time-efficient; for a C-note I can get at least ten such interview/mini-dates out of the way, all in one day. In fact, the most I’ve ever done in one day was, I think, eleven. And I did that just to see how many I could do in one day. Right now, I could field at least 100 such mini-dates inside of the next 30-60 days. Hard-charging it, I could double the number in the same timespan or less. It’s just not that hard. Rack ‘em.
I find that the group of Women most likely to make a stink over what I’m talking about here, are also the group of Women least able to call any shots out on the open mating market. This is how and why so many Black Women lose their minds when a Brotha “mates out” – because he is saying loud and clear, that he wishes to impose at least some mating standards in his life. There are a lot of Sistas out there who are banking on Black Men not being able to do any better. While this mating strategy does have a disconcerting logic to it, it’s also disturbing as to what it says about so many Sistas themselves.
Call it the Misogyny of Low Expectations.
Now adjourn your arses…